Cullen Style Booty-Call

IC Time: March 26, 2007
Location: The Cullen's Living Room
Synopsis: Three of the Cullen's get to talking, and hilarity ensues
Submitted by: Esme Cullen

Ever since Alice has returned, Jasper has been a lot calmer. Walking down the stairs he has his head stuck in a book. One of the new ones his wife has bestowed upon him as a gift. Walking into the living room he takes a seat within one of the free chairs. Not noticing the pair just yet.

He might not see them, but it shouldn't take long for the emotion to seep through. When he enters, however, Rosalie just nods, then pulls away from Esme to sit up some. "I kind of do feel bad for him. He's Alice's friend though. Maybe she can go after him. I just don't want everyone running to our house for sanctuary from the Volturi."

Esme straightens in her seat, loosening her hold on Rose and dropping her hands into her lap. "He'll be fine, and I'm sure Alice will understand your reasoning. We can't be a safe haven for everyone, as much as we are a friendly bunch…" the woman shrugs, sending a smile and a finger waggle to the distracted Jasper, chuckling slightly as he reads.

Jasper can feel the tension from Rosalie hit like a brick. Lowering the book slowly his eyes peek over the top, "Who are we talking about?" Since Rosalie said 'he is Alice's friend' that could be a fair few since she seems to make friends with just about anyone. Though if she said 'she' he would think it to be either Bella or Beverley. Closing the book he sets it beside him, simply filding his hands into his lap locking his fingers together.

"The guy from the park the other day. The one who knew all about Alice, where she was, and what she was hiding." Her head nods to the door. "He showed up here a bit ago, proclaiming he wanted our help and knowledge, because, wouldn't you know, he is running from the Volturi."

Esme chuckles at the way Rose speaks of Connor. "And the wolves, as well," she gives with a shrug and a slight shake of her head as she pulls her legs up underneath her. Not for comforts sake, mind you.

Jasper settles his hands up behind his head a moment. "I remember him. Using us to keep him safe?" dropping his hand to stand up, Jazz turns facing a window folding his arms. "Or is it just those that Alice befriends? I really didn't mind Beverley but now this? No!" he waves a hand, "We don't need him dragging us into anything."

"That was about what I told him. I was…harsh with him, but I gave him the low down. I told him why the Volturi acted as they did with him. I told him if he wants to avoid them, he should head for Denali. I feel bad, a little, but we can't keep risking our family to be the emergency rescue service for every vampire and small creature that crosses our path." Rose's voice is calm now, but she still holds the same opinion.

Esme nods slightly. "It's okay, Rose, you are allowed to be harsh with people every now and again. And it seems you've every reason to, now," is given in a gentle manner.

"I just wish Edward and Bella would get married already." Jasper mumbles lightly before turning to face them both. Placing his hands behind his back he leans slightly to the right shifting his weight. "Wish they would get married so we can get on with life. Being around Bella is like getting kicked constantly by a bucking horse. I hope once they get married the tension will level off. Otherwise .. I plan to avoid her all together at all costs if I have too."

Jasper's reaction makes Rose raise a brow. HALLELUJAH!!! Someone other than her is tired of the Bella Festival. "I'm surprised to hear you say that, Jasper. I thought you adored the girl."

Esme chuckles at the two. "I think we're all hoping he'll marry her, and turn her, sooner, rather than later," she gives, shaking her head. "I suspect it will be easier on everyone, especially with the Volturi haunting Forks…" she trails off.

"I adore her in certain ways. But really.." Jasper sighs looking towards the floor. "She brings out a certain side of me. One that you both know I still battle to overcome. That is why I don't trust myself to be alone with her at all. We all love her but as much of a klutz as she is one paper cut and I lose it." Lifting his head he sighs then chuckles, "Ever wonder. Of all the girls and women. He decided to love the one he can't read, and happens to be accident prone."

"Maybe that's why. He can't hear her nagging thoughts. Her thoughts about how that pair of jeans makes her butt look big. Or how some other girl has nice earrings, and where she got them. He acts like she never has these thoughts. But she does. Everyone else. You think I haven't seen HIM check out his ass in a mirror?"

Esme nods slightly, before she turns her head to the teen/woman beside her, and tries to hold back a giggle, she tries very hard, but with no success. "You've seen Edward check out his ass? So long as you weren't checking it out at the same time…" that should earn her a smack.

Jasper literally falls onto the vacant couch laughing. Too bad Edward wasn't here to actually hear the dig. "Now I shall fear the day he asks me the same question Alice does on occasion." standing up he turns his back to them looking over his shoulder and down at his butt. Lifting the back of his shirt up, "Do these jeans make my butt look to big?" he playfully mocks.

"Well, I have, yes! In a new pair of pants or something. He doesn't think I noticed. He tried to do it in reflective glass really quick. But I saw." Rosalie grins at them. "Believe it or not, I don't ask Emmett that any more. I know I have a big butt. And I wear jeans to hug it just so. I've had ninety years to come to terms with the fact I have a big, fluffy butt. So I just go with it."

Esme just shakes her head at the pair, watching their antics with ammusement as she tries not to figuratively die of laughter. "Rose, dear, I'm sorry to tell you this," she states, once she stops laughing, "you do not have a big butt."

Jasper sits down on the couch laughing. Been forever since he has laughed like this, and it was horrible to be at the expense of his brother. "Not that I have been looking but I don't think you have a big butt either." he agrees with Esme.

Rosalie stands up, then cranes her head to look behind her. "Well, it isn't huge or anything. But its nice and full, I mean. It's all in vogue these days anyway, the little bit of rear end. So I really am okay with it. I'm curvy. Luckily, its coming back into popularity. I got tired of being told I was fat in the nineties. Same size I always was, but suddenly because of Kate Moss, I'm fat."

Esme shakes her head. "You're perfect, Rose, absoloutly perfect," she gives, critically eyeing her statuesque daughter and coming up with only those words to describe her. Of course, Rose is her daughter, thus, Esme is biased. "And I seriously fear the day that Edward asks someone if those jeans make his butt look big…"

"Hopefully it won't be me, Carlisle, or Emmett that is on the receiving end." Jasper continues to laugh literally rolling off onto the floor. Laying on his stomach he presses her forehead to the ground, "I fear next time I see him. I will just bust out laughing and the sad things is he can read my thoughts to know why."

"That leaves Esme or Alice. Because we know he wouldn't ask me." Rosalie grins and sinks back into her seat on the sofa. "And he wouldn't have to ask Alice. She'd just tell him how the pants make his butt look."

Esme snickers. "And hopefully not me. Nobody should want their mothers opinion on their rearend," she gives, crinkling her nose a little, whilst still laughing. "Besides, he wouldn't like it when I burst out laughing in front of him… he'd be better off just asking… well, Carlisle might be able to give him a reasonable answer, though, again, who would ask their father that question."

Jasper would die from the lack of oxygen if it were possible. Finally moving to sit up sliding across the floor until his back rests against the end of the couch. "No! Carlisle would just give him an hour lecture. Which would end up with Edward still being confused and not receiving a answer to his original question."

"Oh. You're likely right there. I can hear it now.." Rose tries to mimic Carlisle's voice. "Edward, son, I have found in my experience that it is not the size of the rear that matters, it is how one feels about their beauty in general, all encompassing of their rear, no matter how big it may or may not be. For centuries, people have been asking the question 'what is beautiful?'…look here in this art book. During the Renaissance era, women who were quite overweight by today's standards were considered most lovely and motherly…"

Esme would be dead from the lack of oxygen right now, if she actually required it. The women is laughing so hard that it's a silent laughter that has her clutching her midsection. "Oh dear, I think I'd have to take pictures of that one. The look on Carlisle's face at the initial question would be priceless," is stated, when she can finally speak.

Jasper puts the back of his right hand against his mouth. It was all he could do to not burst at the seams from laughing too hard. Though the thought of this exchange between Carlisle and Edward bring it out of him. If anyone else is in the house they would be able to hear him laughing. "Though in his mind. Carlisle would be thinking. Go ask Bella!"

Rosalie laughs, watching the others do the same. "Yeah. That is definitely a question for Bella. Only if he asks her, he doesn't know if she's lying to make him feel the size of his 'ass'ets is acceptable, or telling the truth.."

Esme grins slightly, as she finally regains a slight amount of composure. "I'd rather that he ask Carlisle than, well, anyone else, because that'd be the funniest response," she imagines that she would die of laughter.

"I just hope I don't laugh at either of them. Carlisle would want to know why the sight of him would cause me to laugh." Jasper grins crossing his arms over his chest. Stretching his legs out in front of him. "I dare you." he points a finger towards Rose, "Next time you see Edward. Pat him on the ass and tell him it looks fine. You do it and I will buy you anything for your car that you've been wanting."

Rosalie snorts softly. "As if I need you to buy me anything. I can buy it myself. You're going to have to do better than that. If I'm going to risk my arm being torn off, you're going to have to make it worth my while."

Esme blinks as she considers seeing Carlisle, and starts laughing again. "I do belive I shall have to ask him that particular question," with this Esme gets to her feet, and mimics someone trying to look at their back end. "Sweetie, do these jeans make my butt look big…" she says, laughing before falling back onto the sofa. So much for being a good role model of a mom.

Jasper was about to say something before being caught off guard by Esme. This causes him to fall over laughing again. Never in a million years would have he thought those words would come from her mouth. "For some reason I don't think you'd get the lecture. You would probably just get that look. You know the one he gives when he really doesn't want to try and answer the question."

"Oh please, Jasper. The only look he'd give her is the one that says she might as well take the jeans off, or he's going to take them off for her." Rosalie gives her mother a wicked grin, moving away so she can't get hit.

Esme is all set to open her mouth in response to Jasper, but she chokes on her words as Rose speaks, before uses a throw pillow for it's named purposed, aiming it right at her daughter. "Rose! You are horrible," she states between fits of laughter.

"She says that because that is what Emmett would do. Then he'd run around the house with it waving like a victory flag." Jasper gets up off the floor with a smirk towards his sister.

Rosalie ducks the pillow, laughing as she catches it, then gapes at Jasper. "Jasper! You aren't supposed to be listening at the door!" The pillow is then whipped in his direction. "I don't do that to you!"

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