Am I Or The Others Crazy

IC Time: June 4th, Morning and Afternoon
Location: In the area around the Cullens Residence.
Synopsis: Bella has a couple of encounters with Kyler and finds she understands him far too well
Submitted by: Bella

(In the Morning)

Bella is doing a rather curious thing, sitting cross legged in the middle of the clearing behind the house. Moving a bit further away than is usual for her these days. In each hand she holds an egg, fragile little orbs. Her eyes are closed and she is focusing on her breathing and the smells it brings to her senses. Listening to the sounds of the world around her. The cars passing on the highway, the music playing in their cars. The sound of the brook near by. A deer drinking from the stream causes her breathing to quicken and her hands slowly move to tense over the orbs before forces her breathing to settle once more.

And among all those strange sounds, there comes another. At first, it sounds just like an unidentifiable, high-pitched whine in the distance. Suddenly, however, it starts to resolve itself into an actual voice, lowering in pitch as it nears. "eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Suddenly, out of the forest, Kyler darts in a blur of movement, passing Bella as he shoots for the house. Hey, there's even a Doppler effect as he passes! You gotta admit, that's pretty cool. Doppler effect or no, the house is likely locked, since Esme's been rather firm that he's not to be allowed inside without a proper bath. So he goes the only place he can think of. Under the porch.

At the sudden appearance of the screaming blur, Bella jumps to her feet in a crouch as her nerves get set to fire. Instincts take over from control and the eggs crack in her fists. So as the blur resolves itself under the porch Bella stands there with yolk dripping from her hands and a glare on her face for Kyler, "What are you doing under there Kyler?"

Kyler hides back as far under the porch as he can get, his eyes wide, hair a mess, and generally looking rather…unhappy. He peers out at Bella, dimly lit from the shadows, and shakes his head. It's only a moment before he manages a voice, "Mean doggie. There's a mean doggie chasing me." Whimper. At that revelation, he shrinks back, half covering his face with his hands, and making himself as small as possible. Because that way, they'll be less likely to notice, right? Right. Besides, that also means that he doesn't have to look at Bella's glare, which is rather scary in itself.

Bella crouches lower at the mention of the chase before she slowly starts to straighten up and looks from the forest and back to Kyler, "Who did you piss off today Kyler?" She finally asks as she wipes her hands on the grass and moves toward the porch, crouching again to look underneath it.

Kyler stays curled up exactly where he is, his face hidden behind his hands. There's no sign of anyone /actually/ following him. But he seems pretty darn convinced about the whole thing. "I didn't /do/ anything!" he wails, defensively, though the effect is muffled by the face that he's expertly hiding behind his hands. You can't see him because he can't see you! "I just went to the park to see MayaBunny and there were shinies and she started /chasing/ me again and I think shewantsto/EAT/me!"

Bella turns her attention to the woods, taking a deep breath and opening her senses before looking back to Kyler. There is noone out there, but a few critters. No Wolves, no doggies." She assures him with her heightened senses. She cants her head and arches a brow "What were you doing with the human Kyler?" She asks in exasperation, as usual expecting him to be at blame here.

Kyler peeks out over the tops of his fingers as she mentions that there's no wolves around. He glances over her shoulder but isn't convinced enough that he's willing to come out of hiding. He stays firmly entrenched exactly where he is, and then suddenly hides again when she blames him. "/Nothing/! She's my bunny, that's all. She's nice, and we talk all the time, and I haven't ever eaten her, even once, so lemmeealone."

Bella drops down to sit and watch Kyler for a moment before she sighs, "Sorry…but maybe the wolf was worried about it. You still have red eyes, and their job is to defend the humans from the vampires." She wipes goo covered hands over the grass again then on her pants before looking back to him, "One threatened me on a hunt as well, she looked like a child herself. She said she would be watching me to make sure I don't mess up…"

Kyler keeps watching Bella, his eyes half hidden behind his hands. He is silent for awhile, blinking in surprise as though it's news to him that he has red eyes. Then again, it's not like he owns a real mirror. Finally, he lowers his hands a little, when a werewolf fails to materialize out of thin air to eat him whole. "I dunno. I think she's just a big bully," he says in a small voice, his gaze still flicking nervously now and then toward what he can see of the forest. "They oughta have a color eyes for when you eat only bad humans," he murmurs, sulkily. "I'm not bad. I'm /not/."

Bella looks over Kyler for a moment, slowly becoming sympathetic over this issue at least. "If they only knew how hard it was to hold back. How hard just trying was." She starts before looking out to the forest for a moment. At his suggestion for eye colours she can't help but smile a bit, "Edward used to eat bad humans too. If he can grow out of it, you can too. I can too." Her hands flex as they rest on her knees. "So…we can work on eating just animals, ok? Real animals, not humans you call animals."

Kyler watches Bella, uncertainly, and then looks down again. He eventually lowers his hands entirely, folding them behind his curled up knees. He's got quite a comfy little hidey-hole now. "Okay…" he murmurs, quietly, still a bit sulky. "If you say so. Jasper thinks it's good, so…I suppose it must be." He grows a bit anxious then, "What happens if we forget?" he asks, seriously concerned about the possibility.

"Deers don't set my throat affire like humans have, but they sate the hunger well enough. I do it for them. For my family both human and vampire. I do it so I can look myself in the mirror and believe I am a good person." Bella responds with a touch of emotion in her voice. She shakes her head at the question. "I think they might act differently to each of us. If you don't want this life…then you will be asked to move off our lands. If I break…" She shakes her head a bit.

Kyler peers back at Bella, with distant curiosity. He considers that a moment and then shrinks back again. "I dunno. I just…" He trails off, and then looks to the side. "I do it for Jasper, that's all. And for Tom." The last is tacked on there as though it were so obvious, it didn't really need mentioning, except as a courtesy. He shifts, uncomfortably. "I don't…Well….I don't really like humans very much, anyhow. They're kind of weird." He glances around at the shadows surrounding him, then slumps further. After a moment, he looks up, uncertainly. "Can I come out now? It's scary under here."

"I think we got to do it for ourselves. I fight for control whenever I smell a human, but I think that that person could be my father or my cousin. Someone I went to school with…could I live with myself once the hunger fades?" Bella says in a low voice, shrugging a bit. She cants her head to look at Kyler and hesitantly offers her hand to him. For once she has felt a brief moment of kinship with him, fighting similar battles. "Yeah, its safe. No wolves within hearing or smelling distance." She assures him.
Kyler frowns a little. "I don't remember those people," he comments. "I don't think I had a dad." Which is silly, of course. But he seems quite serious as he says it. "I don't really know if there's any humans I'd care about eating. Maybe MayaBunny. She's nice." And he accepts the offered hand, hesitantly, and slinks out from under the porch. In the brighter light, he looks rather…dusty. And he shakes his head a little, brushing cobwebs from his hair.

"Well think about her then when you get hungry. When even Edward's voice makes me waver, I think of my parents." Bella responds as she releases his hand and sits back down beside the deck. She holds her arms around herself for a moment, all serious right now before she notices the cobwebs and she reaches out to help pick them out of his hair.
Kyler considers this for a moment. All this talk of parents doesn't make him any more comfortable. "Parents don't make me stop. Thinking of Tom does," he says, in a quiet voice. But as she starts to help pick the cobwebs out of his hair, he gives a self-conscious little grin and lets her do it. "Anyhow… You be careful. And don't let them lock you in the basement," he warns. He hesitates a bit, then gives a silly little grin before taking off for the forest again.


Forks - Hidden Lane


Branching steeply off of Russell Road, this narrow dirt road is easily missed, since it isn't marked with a street sign of a lamp post. The lane is not very long, and seems to grow narrower as it continues on toward a dead end that leads to a grove of hearty evergreen trees. There is something beautiful and mysterious about this lane, it seems like it's in the middle of nowhere, although town is only minutes away. It's very quiet here, one cannot even hear the sound of cars rushing past on highway 101, which is rather rare. A careful observer might be able to spot a place where the trees gap, and then are planted in even rows, lining what appears to be a long driveway to a private residence.


Bella is getting some fresh air again, slowly ranging just a bit further from the house. Every day just a bit further. So now she is on the lane that leads away from the house, shrouded by trees. The house is barely visible through the trees, far enough away for some semblence of privacy, close enough for people to hear if she yelled for help. She is perched neatly up in a tree, her feet dangling as she sits there with her eyes closed. Again, just listening to the sounds of traffic, testing her control as one car passes…then another.

Kyler is not a very happy Kyler. He had run from Jasper after the incident with the blind girl and her bodyguard, which Bella probably wouldn't know about by now… His first instinct, of course, was to run back to his tree. But the moment he got there, he realized that that would be the first place Jasper would look. So off he went again. By the time he wanders under Bella's perch, he's been meandering randomly in the forest for some time. He has abandoned his earlier speed, in favor of a human-paced walk, his eyes on his feet and his arms crossed over his chest. He's so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't seem to notice Bella up there. Nope, just passing through.
This time she isn't so lost that she doesn't hear him coming and draws up her dangling limbs. Bella opens her senses up carefully to take in the scent of who is arriving, listen for a heartbeat. Neither action causes the fire to burn in her throat and so she relaxes. Once Kyler is beneath her she is prepared and looks down at him curiously, "Lost?" She finally asks in a quiet voice, letting her feet dangle once more.

Kyler jumps a little, and looks up, with a distant, blank look. For a moment, he looks confused, and glances around him. He certainly /looks/ lost. But he doesn't answer right away. Instead, he just ducks his head, shamefully, and shrugs one shoulder. "Just walking," he replies, in a bit of a murmur. He looks suspiciously like a kid trying to avoid a punishment, as he glances off to the left, considering a quick dash for it.

Bella drops down neatly out of the tree, landing quite gracefully. She cants her head as she watches Kyler trying to pick something there. "Well you missed the house by a hundred yards…unless it is not the house you wanted to go to." She responds with a curious look at his face. The guilty look on his face causes a brow to raise and she crosses her arms over her chest, "What happened?"

Kyler shrinks back a little, looking back at her with a distinctly nervous expression. He goes through a lot of expressions. Guilt, anxiety, defiance… Eventually, however, he just crumbles and gives a faint whimper. "Jasper wants to lock me in the basement." One has to wonder if Kyler could finally have caused Jasper to crack. But either way, Kyler takes a step back from Bella, nervously. "I'm not going," he adds, with tremulous defiance. "I'm /not/, and he can't catch me if I keep going." Except he doesn't really want to leave. Which leaves him running in circles around the house. Brilliant.

"Why would he do that?" Bella asks with an incredulous look, "I told you that this life is about choice, he would hardly lock you up in the baeme…" She starts before tilting her head to look at him with an expression of surprised, "Did you hurt someone Kyler, is that why you are running away from Jasper?" She asks with a glance to the house then back to Kyler, "You do realize the basement is MY choice? Not theirs?" She asks in a low voice, "I think they expect me to mess up and they will clean up after me when I do, you…well…are not exactly willing to this life, its your choice."

Kyler stares up at Bella with a lack of comprehension. "I…" He looks around, twitching a bit as he waits for something to happen, but it never does. "I didn't /hurt/ anyone. I wasn't going to. I just…I…I /was/ hungry, but I was just gonna play with him a little…I wasn't going to touch the girl, except to talk to her, but I don't think he'll believe me now. He /said/ I had to go back to the house, and I know what that means. I wasn't born yesterday, you know." He looks back up at her, suddenly a bit shocked as she informs him about the basement. He sputters a little at first, but then just blurts, "That's stupid, why would you /want/ to be there? It's…It's /awful/…" He trails off, but eventually jerks his gaze away again. She's right, he could just walk away and not come back. But he doesn't do that, for some strange reason.

Bella sighs with exasperation at Kyler, "He meant so we could protect you and help you through the hunger like they do me. If I get caught by surprise, I run to the house. It is a safe place for us, they make it safe for us." Bella looks over Kyler for a moment before shaking her head again and starting to walk to the house before walking back to him at the latter question, "It is awful in there and wonderful. All I smell is the earth and all I hear is the creaking of the wood supporting the house, the sound of the washing machine. The smell of him and his scent…" Her eyes roll up in pleasure at the thought of it, "That is my …safe place. I would think they would rather me not use it for such for the destruction I cause down there." She smirks.

Kyler looks up, uncertainly, peering at Bella. He doesn't look terribly convinced, at first, though the idea intrigues him. "That's what trees are for," he comments, quietly. He gives a sigh, and then glances off in the direction of /his/ tree. "I don't think being underground could ever be as wonderful as being home. It's…" He trails off, his gaze unfocusing a little as he attempts to describe it. "Suffocating," he finally comes up with the word, and is rather pleased with himself for it, though that pleasure quickly fades to be replaced with the memory of the meaning of the word. "It's suffocating. And you sit there, and you think you'll never be satisfied by anything ever again, and…and if you're lucky, you can stay calm, because that's when it stops for a little while." He blinks once or twice, then looks back to Bella, troubled. "I think your basement is different than my basement, maybe."

Bella wraps her arms around herself as she listens to Kyler, nodding as he speaks of his tree. "Yeah, that is the basement for me." Then she shakes her head and a smile flits over her lips as he speaks of suffocating, "No…that is not basement. I go there to…breathe." She responds with a sigh of relief in her voice. "The lock is on the inside Kyler, It is just a wooden door. I am the one that controls it. It would hardly stop me or them if I wanted to get out or they wanted to get in. It is just a barrier against sound and smell." She nods to his words on staying calm, "Exactly"

Kyler frowns faintly, trying to consider this. In fact, he mulls this over quite extensively, in his own way. His brow furrows and his eyes narrow with the effort, even. And in the end, he just shakes his head with disbelief, confusion still evident. "That's not a basement," he finally says, puzzled. "That's just a room."

Bella cants her head at Kyler before nodding, "I suppose so…it is my safe room, so don't judge them over it. When I go down there, it is my…choice. My decision. It is my decision when I come out. It is my decision to have the door open or closed. It is my room when I need it to be my room." She says with a depth to her voice that shows she is thankful to have it. "I might have very nearly hurt someone today without it myself."

Kyler considers this for some time, thoughtfully. He's very slow coming around to an understanding of what she's saying. "I think…maybe I'm different than you, like my basement is different than yours," he comments, thoughtfully. His eyes squint, and he wrinkles his nose. "You're really good, because you want to be good. I never was…" He is slow, choosing his words carefully as he looks down at the ground toe at a rock, thoughtfully. "Someone loved me very much and made me good," he says, "And I want to stay good, for him…Because when I'm bad, it's like he's not here. And when I'm good, it's like he is." And then his explanation falls apart, and he gives a little sigh of frustration. "I don't know how to stay good when he's not here to tell me what's bad."

Bella listens quietly and well it is actually sympathy in her eyes as he tells his reasons. "Maybe I am good because I chose this life. I chose it out of love. I want to be good for him, if it were not for him I would have killed by now. I would have made mistakes that I couldn't take back if it were not for Edward. He is my anchor, he is my soul, he is my heart." Her hand goes over her now still heart. Yes she actually understands him a bit. They are both struggling with their choices. If she is surprised by the gender reference, well she at least doesn't show it. Not the best time to go, "So you are a gay vampire?" She holds out her hand finally to him, "Then trust Jasper? Trust the family? If this is the choice you want to make, then trust them to help you be strong? What is one more newborn?" Or Born again?"

Kyler hasn't been introduced to the word 'gay' and would be rather puzzled. Probably best to take one thing at a time. Anyhow, he looks up at her, quietly taking in everything she has to say with a vague sadness tinged with a bit of the same jealousy with which he'd regarded her what seems like an ago ago, when she was still human, protected by Esme. In spite of whatever he's thinking, he tries to hide it behind an uncertain little smile as she continues to gush about her love for Edward, whom she still gets to go home to, after all. It isn't until she holds out her hand that the expression clears, to be replaced by…surprise? Shock? Something like that. At first, he looks like he might spook and run. He gets an almost panicky look… until he glances up and meets her eyes. And there's nothing to be seen there but sympathy, and the remaining echoes of the love that always brightens her face when she talks of Edward. He starts to put out his hand, then hesitates, only to finally force himself to reach forward, taking her hand with a sudden determination. He looks down at their clasped hands, and when he looks back up it's with a kind of shock and glazed happiness that one might wear upon being offered a feast after a long fast. It's the kind of expression that calls for tears, except that vampires don't cry. For a moment, he just looks at her in wonder. Certainly, he'll have his set backs. And so will she. But at least now he won't be fighting those demons alone. And suddenly…he grins, his teeth gleaming and glittering white against the grimy, smudged state of his skin. Esme should be just thrilled.

Oh Edward would probably be furious if he knew she was out here with Kyler. Doubly so that even she invited him to the house despite the incident. But a part of her understands him now, sees a bit of herself in him. The struggle and the pain. Whether choice or not, they are both walking the hard road right now. Maybe Esme's compasion has rubbed off on her a little, or just a desire to have someone who understands her struggle more freshly. As he takes her hand, she carefully closes her fingers over his. "This is a family Kyler, Jasper has made you apart of it." She finally says as she squeezes his hand tighter. At his smile she can't help but smile as well. Oh yes Esme will be pleased. Two 'babies' in the house.

Kyler is less of a baby and more a pet. You see, babies grow up, eventually. Kyler will be eternally and unchangably immature. But at least he can be house-trained, which is something… As she explains to him exactly what she means, his grin just grows happier, if that's possible, and he squeezes her fingers a bit. And that's the last puzzle piece that's been missing from Ky's understanding. He never wanted to tear Jasper away from his family, but he couldn't tear himself away from Jasper either. And here is Bella, with the perfect solution. Words, which are never Kyler's friend even in the best of times, fail him. Unable to express himself any other way, he suddenly just jumps forward to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug.

Oh well Esme always wanted a child. It slowly dawns on her what exactly she just offered Kyler. The words were spoken without thought. Her sympathy for him, her thoughts on family. Oh she will have to explain this to the family. There is no going back for her, no regrets. She meant the words she said. "There are rules about the house though…I am not as good at being around humans as you are. No humans are to be brought near me. Alright? No weasels, no bunnies. She blinks as she is suddenly surrounded in Kylerness and it takes her a moment to give a hug in return. "Its ok there…"

Kyler is quite happy to remain attached to Esme. After all, she'll have an awful hard time taking it back if she has to dislodge him first, right? And it's probably just as well that he didn't see the moment of realization, let he should misinterpret that momentary expression. He just shakes his head, "No humans or weasels or bunnies or chickens or coyotes or…or…or /anything/. I promise!" he says, easily enough. "And I won't cause any trouble, or make Esme-Person mad, or break anything, or make bubble messes, either." That's an awful lot to promise for one day. But hopefully no one will be too terribly surprised when he slips up. "And I won't kill the garden roots," he adds, just for good measure.

Bella pats his back a bit awkwardly having not expected such an outpouring at what she thought at first was a simple suggestion. Ok not simple, but…well. She has a crazy vampire kid attached to her now. "Alright…I just need to let Edward and the family know, alright? I will explain that one time was just a misunderstanding." She smiles at the list of promises, "Oh don't go overboard, you should see the messes I make. Noone expects perfections…just try as hard as you can." She offers as she tries to release him.

Kyler does have some difficulty with moderation, which should probably be at the top of that list. But he just grins self-consciously at her response, and nods a little. And then his grin flickers a little as he remembers, "Jasper's probably still mad." Chances are good that Jasper was never mad. But there's Kyler logic for you. He perceived it, therefore it must be so. He glances in the direction of the house, then back to Bella with a little grin as he finally lets go of her, making a bit of an effort to brush off any dust that may have been transferred from him to her. Given the fact that his hands aren't any better than the rest of him, that may not work. "I'll go back to my tree, I guess," he decides, though he doesn't sound too certain about that. Then, suddenly, he brightens. "Maybe if I tell him really quick, he'll forget to be mad about the other stuff."

"I think Jasper of all of them would be the most forgiving Kyler, he is the newest to this life other from me. There are days he still struggles." Bella assures him though she looks down briefly at the memory of a day that Bella was nearly the recipient of that struggle. That nearly cost her Edward. As he releases her she looks down at her dusty clothes and gives a little smile, as she dusts off a few areas as well. "And Maybe we can discuss bathing." She says ever so helpfully as she looks up to him. "If you want to…it might be easier inside the house if you do. Esme takes great pride in cleanliness, it would make her happy." She suggests to Kyler before she starts to walk to the house, "We will make this work.

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